Snakes On a Hike

Just recently (yesterday) I switched from your run of the mill, store bought deodorant to an all natural brand called Schmidt's. I did this for two reasons. The first is that while there haven't been any conclusive studies linking the aluminum commonly used in antiperspirants to breast cancer and Alzheimer's, there's enough "coincidence" in the studies I've read to make me want steer clear of them. The second is to thanks to a blog post by the "armpit queen" touting Schmidt's performance.

As I spend most of my time outdoors during the warmer months, I decided to put it to the test today to see if it would hold up to my own standards. A few towns over from where I live there's this phenomenal eight mile loop around a lake. In the colder months, I run the four miles that compose its western shore because the trails are harder and that section boasts a higher elevation than the eastern shore, which houses a marsh...and water moccasins. There are still risks to the western shore, namely copper heads, but snakes all hibernate during the winter*, so I feel safe enough to run it.

The same is NOT true for the rest of the year, for obvious reasons. Those reasons being snakes. 

*shudder*

Plus, if you run the entire trail, you miss out on the beauty and birdsong that surrounds you. One of the reasons that I brave this trail regardless of the slithering ones that I share it with is because of how much diversity is contained within such a small area. You pass from a conifer filled forest to broad leaf and back again several times, cross over numerous bridges that span the rivers that feed the lake, and even end up in the swamp at one point. 

Trees

Rivers 

Swamps

And of course, the lake

There's also a lot of neat side trails that take you to god knows where because they're unmarked and I haven't felt adventurous enough to explore them yet. I'm looking forward too though (while accompanied by a responsible adult (who also doubles as my fiance)), as I discover something new each and every time I visit. For example, check out this primitive (ha, couldn't even bring myself to lie) rock painting I found: 

As I'm not an archaeologist, I have no idea what's going on there. It could either be a replica of some sort of ancient native american design...or a quad-boob. Judging by the other people that inhabit the peninsula I live on, I'm leaning towards quad-boob. 

The only downside about my hikes is that I spend A LOT OF TIME fully focused on the trail in front of me. Because snakes. No really though, there are so many exposed roots here that you have to pay close attention to determine whether or not something just in front of you is an inanimate piece of wood, or a viperous reptile with dagger teeth hoping to shank you in the ankle. 

Don't believe me? 

What doesn't help is that we have these little lizards called skinks that like to sun themselves on the edges of the trail. They wait until you're directly on top of them before they slither off through the underbrush at top speed, making enough noise to jump you. The fact that they move and look just like a snake when viewed out of the corner of your eye is an added bonus. 

There's one hiding in the leaves of this next picture. He scared the shit out of me. I hate him. 

Later on, one was brave enough to show himself (unlike the wuss in the above). Kinda cute, huh? 

At the very end of the trail, there's a grassy area that you have to pass through. When I first started hiking it, they didn't keep the grass cut back and the trail was only wide enough to fit a small child through. Therefore, you couldn't see ANYTHING to either side of you. Now they keep a large swath of it trimmed, so I don't have to sprint through it like a maniac anymore, which is awesome because it used to be a harrowing experience. Also, I think my screaming frightened the other hikers. 

Just in case you're wondering if this is all in my head, it isn't. The very first time my fiance and I went for a hike, we saw what he claims was a water moccasin on the shoreline in the distance of this picture:

I didn't get any closer, 

BECAUSE WHAT IF IT'S STILL THERE?

I can neither confirm nor deny what he saw, as my immediate reaction was to flee in the other direction and leave him to his fate. He swears it started towards him before changing it's mind and disappearing into the water, and that sort of aggressive behavior is typical of the species. 

ANYWAY, the point of this whole post was to test out Schmidt's, and I am both pleased, and more than a little surprised to say that....

IT WORKED!!!

Schmidt's, able to tackle both tough sweat brought on by vigorous exercise and the even stinkier sweat brought on by panicking hikers thinking that every single twig they step over is actually a murderer. 

*If this is not an actual fact, DO NOT CORRECT ME. Let me remain blissfully ignorant. 

Apple Cider Brussels Sprouts

First, I'd like to get something out of the way. My immediate reaction in response to the mere mention of Brussels sprouts used to be something like this: 

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Some of you may feel that bolding, underlining, italicizing, and exclamation point...ing is unnecessary. You'd be wrong. I thought that they were gross on principle. I have no idea why that is, as I have little to no experience with them. Blame society. 

Part of greenifying my life involves becoming a vegan, so I decided that for my first dinner, I'd try something that I would likely never force myself to eat other wise. Brussels sprouts. 

Dun, dun, duuuuuuuuuun!

I knew that I would either love them or hate them thanks to a lengthy discussion I had two weeks ago with the twenty seventy year old women in my garden club (story for another time), so I figured that I'd try to find a recipe with some sweetness to it. 

Behold Chef Chloe's Apple Cider Brussels Sprouts

Note: I've edited the original instructions a bit for efficiency and sanity. 

Ingredients:

• - 1 ½ pounds Brussels sprouts
• - 3 to 4 tablespoons olive oil
• - ¾ teaspoon sea salt
• - ¼ teaspoon black pepper
• - ½ cup apple juice or cider
• - 1 tablespoon maple syrup
• - ground cinnamon

Instructions: 

Preheat oven to 375.

Remove any yellow or brown leaves from sprouts, cut off stems, and cut in halves or quarters (depending on size, I recommend halves for small, quarters for large). In a bowl, toss Brussels sprouts with enough olive oil to coat, add salt and pepper, and pour onto a shallow, rimmed baking sheet.

Roast sprouts for about 30 - 40 minutes, depending on the size. Check every 10 minutes, turning frequently with a spatula to ensure even roasting, until sprouts are fork tender.

DURING THE LAST TEN MINUTES*, in a small saucepan, cook and stir apple juice and maple syrup over medium heat until it comes to a simmer. Let simmer, uncovered, for 10 to 15 minutes, or until it reduces to a syrup-like consistency.

Drizzle the roasted Brussels sprouts with apple cider syrup and lightly dust with cinnamon.

My new reaction to Brussels sprouts:

OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!!!

*The timing is important here. If you don't pour this mixture directly onto your Brussels sprouts as soon as they are finished, it will harden and you will hate your life. I learned this the hard way.

The Oil Cleansing Method

Here's the deal; I have TERRIBLE skin. In my teens, I had gorgeous skin. Then I hit my early twenties and BAM, breakouts. They started small enough, a pimple here, a blackhead there, but by the time I was twenty four I had full-blown acne, complete with redness, inflammation, pain, and shame. At first I told myself that it was just a phase, that I wasn't eating well (blatant lie) and that it would clear up once I cut out things like chocolate and fatty foods (thank you, internet, you lying bastard).

It didn't go away. So I started using ______ (insert wildly popular, infomercial brand of acne treatment), but it only dried my skin out and left it tight and peeling. It did help with my acne though, so I stuck with it and started spending more time in the sun and tanning during the winter because I heard UV light was a great way to clear up acne (no need to lecture me about this decision, I already know how stupid it was).

Once I read the report on how carcinogenic tanning beds are, I fled in terror to my dermatologist. She put me on antibiotics (which I detest), and a strong medicinal acne treatment that came with some side effects and basically did the same thing that the infomercial brand did.

These treatments were all just bandaids for a larger problem, so now, at twenty nine, I'm trying something new. Because I STILL have acne.

Want proof?

All the harsh cleansers and toxic toners that I've previously tried do nothing but strip your skin of its natural oils, so your body goes into hyperdrive and overproduces it, resulting in a perfect circle of stupid. In an attempt to break out of the cycle, and cease putting potentially hazardous chemicals into my body, I'm going to attempt the Oil Cleansing Method, or OCM for those hip, acronym loving kids out there.

Ready to freak out? Okay, this is how it works:

YOU PUT OIL ON YOUR FACE!

Deep breaths, people. It will not kill you*.

There are a ton of recipes online, but the one I'm going with is a 70/30 mix of castor oil and grapeseed oil. Castor oil is fantastic at drawing out dirt and bacteria that builds up in your pores as well as having a slew of other beneficial properties. And grapeseed oil is currently being touted as the second coming of Christ (skin wise), so I have neither the time nor the prerogative to list out all of its advantages. Pro-tip, make sure that the oil you buy is cold or expeller pressed to avoid toxic chemicals that are found in other extraction processes. Also, don't eat it.

I plan on adding to this post weekly to document how effective this method is for me, so make sure to stop by again. Oh, and it should be noted that at the same time I'm attempting this, I'm also going vegan, which has been shown to clear up skin as well.

*Unless you have some bizarre oil allergy, in which case, it might kill you.

I have no idea what I'm doing

The title of this post says it all.